The Dreaded Lunch With Friends

Imagine this, you are at a restaurant with some of your very close friends.    The waitstaff asks for your order and your friend orders “I want this sandwich with no mayonnaise or anything unhealthy.   In fact, forget the bread and just give it to me wrapped in lettuce.”   As the food arrives, the topic of food comes up, and their “healthy eating” lifestyle has turned into an obsession – which is obviously, unhealthy.

The discussion is toxic to your recovery and mental health.   What do you do?    Do you shut down, change the subject, never go out with her again?  

My response was boundary setting.

One of the most difficult of my recovery was learning to set boundaries and share that this discussion is harmful to my recovery.    These were very difficult discussions to have, but my relationships have improved because of it.     I know that that sounds counterintuitive, but boundaries are actually kind.    Why?   No bitterness, no resentment, no frustrations.   Your expectations are clear and you deserve to have them.

I am an avoidant.   I love to avoid difficult conversations, but that is in noones best interest.   I remember the mental gymnastics I would do with myself.  “I should not really care what she orders”, “I should be stronger than be triggered by what someone else is ordering”.   But, just like every other human on this earth, I have needs and I deserve to have my loved ones support me in my needs.

Setting boundaries is hard, but having an active eating disorder is even harder.

The funny thing is, now I am no longer triggered.    I am at a point in my recovery where I don’t care what other people order.    If they want to order a salad with no dressing or yummy croutons, it has no impact on me.

I have learned that you can either fight against your body or work with and accept your body.   In my eating disorder, I abused my body.   I ignored what it needed and suffered as a result.   I now treat my body as my friend.  I give it what it needs (energy, mindful movement, rest).   I will never again apologize or feel guilty for eating a piece of cake or a salad.    My body will let me know what I need!  For the first time in my life, I trust my body!

You are worth it!