The Beauty of Boundaries

In my recovery, one of the hardest changes to make was setting boundaries.       My ruminating thoughts were debilitating and kept me from being present and robbing me of the joy of connection.    I was always the easy going one in my friend relationships and really had no preferences (or so I trained myself to believe).     I called myself a jellyfish because I felt that I was spineless and did not stick up for myself.    My endless internal battles included “don’t be selfish” while simultaneously thinking “why can’t you stick up for yourself”.   This dichotomy was frustrating and exhausting.   

When I began setting boundaries, l literally had to write out a script, and practice.    My heart raced as I said the words, and waited for a reaction.    To my surprise, my words were met with love and acceptance.    In fact, having expectations and setting boundaries actually improved my relationships.    Setting boundaries is difficult, but not impossible.    My strategy was to start with safe people, so I could see some positive results, boosting my confidence so I could face the challenging people in my life.     I thought boundaries created walls, but instead it builds equality and expectations, identifying your worth and creating a healthy self-image.    I learned setting boundaries is necessary for healthy relationships.      I wish you a joyous holiday season and hope that you are able to recognize that setting boundaries is not selfish – but rather selfless and a key ingredient in healthy relationships with friends, families, co-workers, and loved ones.