Is Rock Bottom a Thing? Do I Have to Wait to Get There?

I had an alcoholic grandfather who recovered through AA.   I went to Al Anon (a support group for individuals with alcoholism in their family).   They would often state these sayings,(that I were cliché at the time) such as “Let Go, Let, God” and “You are Only as Sick as Your Secrets”.    I never understood what they meant until it happened to me.    You see, I was focusing on others’ disorders, instead of my own eating disorder (anorexia).    I had heard of “rock bottom”, but had never seen it “in person”.    Then, one day, I was with my boyfriend at the Museum of Tolerance in LA.   The museum is a personal tour of the concentration camps.   You start the tour choosing to follow an actual person who experienced the concentration camp.   As you can imagine, it is excrutiating.      I hate to admit this, but the entire time, the only thing I was thinking was, “I look exactly like every person in this camp, I know everyone is staring at me.”   I know that this seems that I am shallow, self-centered, and self-obsessed, but I was suffering (although, not nearly as much as those in the concentration camps).  I was in my own personal hell, that I put myself in, and I felt like there was no way out.      When I look back,  laugh at my reaction, I had my boyfriend take me to lunch, and ate two entire lunches (as if that was going to magically fix my emaciated body).   I thought to myself, how the F**k did I get here, and how do I get out of it?    That was my rock bottom, and my obsession for food (or, in my case, lack of), turned in to obsession of recovery.    If you know me, you know I do not do anything half-ass (including anorexia).    I was blessed with the opportunity for residential treatment, and the rest is history.   I know that I am a unicorn.   Someone with 20 years of VERY active anorexia behaviors will never survive.   I did and, it is now my mission to provide support, in a nonjudgmental environment to help others who are going through the hell I went through.       I used to tell my therapist. let’s not worry about intimacy (physical or emotional), let’s not talk about intuitive eating, let’s just get me to my 50th birthday.   I did it, and there is NOTHING special about me.   It is possible.  I promise.   Recovery is within your reach.   All you have to do, is show up each AND every day and do one thing today that your future self will thank you for.   YOU deserve recovery.   One step, one meal, one moment at a time!   You are not alone.   You are supported, the f*Y&DKing ED does not let you see it!   All of the answers are within YOU!